Roller Coaster Ride

The week has been overwhelming. Through a series of texts with Alyssa's mom, we were invited out for a visit. We spent an hour with her and her mother in their home. When we arrived, Alyssa was sitting in her high chair eating. She did not remember us and was quite shy. Judah won her heart first with his sweet way and then Micaiah and I soon followed. She ended the visit with every item out of my purse, including my lip gloss. Tim and I were laughing as she placed the lip gloss on her lips and made a fish face for the camera. We feel very privileged to have an opportunity to see her and visit with her mother too. They are doing very well. God continues to show us the plan that He had in mind when he brought Alyssa to us. It was not a permanent placement but one that would allow her mother the time she needed to grow and raise Alyssa herself. Looking forward to more visits in the future and hoping that we can be a support to both of them.

As if that isn't emotionally draining enough, the following day we had a placement presentation for a baby girl. Seeing one daughter one day and a possible second daughter the next was overwhelming and amazing. We took a day to make a decision as there are no guarantees with the system. Tim and I felt the Lord giving us an understanding of what was to come and that this little girl was to come into our home. Tim and I told the boys the next morning over breakfast. My heart just melted as Judah jumped up and down and couldn't stop smiling when he heard the news. You have to understand, Judah prays for his sister Alyssa and his "new baby sister" each night. His faith is so big and I am amazed by his heart. Micaiah was very excited too! He is our steady stream and said, "Yeay!" and that was that.

I love our little family and am so thankful that God has given us such amazing children. One daughter that doesn't live with us in our home but still needs our love and another on the way! We will be meeting our baby girl Tuesday and hope to bring her home Wednesday. We will hold our breath until the adoption is completed and hold loosely those things that we cannot control. The roller coaster is taking off again. Here we go. . .

Timing

So we have been on the list for a daughter for a month now. The boys and Tim are ready and waiting for a placement. I am warming up to the idea, slowly.

I am constantly noticing little girls everywhere. The pigtails, the cute little shoes and the adorable little voices. I guess those are signs that I am getting there?

I looked over photos of Alyssa the other day in the hope that I could remove some from our computer. I love taking photos of my family and when Alyssa was with us she was my muse! As I sat there attempting to erase just a few, I could not bring myself to remove any. I miss her and those photos are the only proof I have that she was in our lives. Sigh, maybe in time I can let go a little more. Not forgetting her but allowing her to move on in my head and heart.

I am praying for courage and timing. Thankful that I have family and friends who supports me and put up with my fears. I am one lucky lady. I have been given a husband who pushes us towards a rewarding life. Not one of comfort and not without pain, but others' filled.

I am blessed and I am choosing to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord"!