choices

so we were driving up to church tonight and the boys started asking about Jesus.  judah started us off by announcing that Jesus died on a tree.  then micaiah joined in with more Jesus facts.  Jesus wore a crown of thorns.  Jesus died for us.  stuff like that.

then the conversation kind of turned a corner.  judah was asking much more pointed questions.  he asked how he can go to heaven.  he asked why people killed Jesus to begin with.  and one by one we answered his questions.  keep in mind, he is 2 weeks from turning 4.  he does not have a complete grasp of what the power rangers do, let alone Jesus' sacrifice.  but i am telling you.  as much as he understands anything else, he got it.  and then he asked how he could go to heaven.  we told him to believe in Jesus.  he said he did.  we asked him if he wanted to tell Jesus.  he did.  so we prayed together in the car.  

now i understand that if we believed that big bird comes every christmas to give us purple livers, judah would likely believe that too.  but for now i am blown away by the fact that my son wants to choose Jesus.  he is also now in charge of telling one of his friends about Jesus who turns 2 tomorrow.

and then we sat through church.  i don't recommend doing that.  if your son just went out of his way to voice his belief in Jesus for the first time, do NOT go sit in a worship service.  the lyrics of a song were unfolding in front of us and i couldn't help it.  i cried thinking about the intricately powerful Truth ever is simple enough.  simple enough for judah to agree that Jesus died so that we don't have to.  

it was a good day.  -tim

Full Or Empty?

We are excited to report that we are done with our case study interviews and also finished our licensing interview on Friday.  The work for us is at a stand still while we wait for the licensing and case study report to be finalized.  It was a surprise to us that it will take up to 2 months to get it all completed so that we can be put in the mix for placement.  When the social worker told us that we are desiring a very demanding age range and that it may be six months to a year before we are chosen, I looked to Tim and saw a little sadness come over him.  I tend to look at the glass half empty, so I was expecting the worst, but Tim is a glass is half full kind of guy and wasn't expecting such a long delay.  We feel ready and the boys have been so patient for the last 6 months!  I am at peace with the understanding that there is a girl waiting for us at the end of all of this.  We have not been forgotten and need to trust God's timing for all of this.  I know there will be a great deal of growth in the midst of the waiting.

There is also a possibility that we could be put on a list for relinquishment.  This is a separate program within the county's adoption system that is quite risky.  While a young mother is still pregnant, she chooses a family for her child.  Once the baby is born we go pick her up at the hospital and the mother has 30 days to finalize her decision to terminate parental rights.  The risk is that we would become extremely attached to the baby and then have the mother come back and decide to keep her.

  None of this is going to be easy but Tim and I both feel that we have a healthy, wonderful family to share with a child that needs love and permanence.  However long God chooses us for her, we want to open our hearts and share our home!  It is obvious that this will come with some tears and broken hearts.  Although we would love to protect our sons from that kind of heartache, God calls us to serve and love.  We must believe that whatever the cost, He wants to use us for His purpose!  Our boys will learn amazing things from this and I hope a greater sense of what our purpose is.  They are young, but have faith and unwavering devotion to love. 

The glasses contents are all about perception.  For as long as it takes to wait for our daughter, I want to see this process the way that God sees it, full of Him.

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!  Who has known the mind of the Lord?  Or who has been his counselor?  Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?  For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To him be the glory forever!  Amen. "

Romans 11:33-36

The Wind

I find it difficult to get used to the wind!  Although I have lived in the high desert off and on for the last eight years, my hair blinding my eyes from the path ahead will never be something I enjoy!  Today was rather windy, so Judah spent the day inside with me while his brother was at school.  We worked on childproofing the house.  Judah proved to be quite helpful in this process and enjoyed trying to reach things he knows he is not allowed to, in order give me an idea of what needs to be fixed.  I am so glad that I have a little buddy to hang out with everyday!  

Tim and I find ourselves very blessed in ministry and relationships.  We have many close friends here that have become like family and we can hardly wait to introduce the next member of the Kuhl clan to them.  Tuesday, my friend Cory came over and helped me childproof our house for Friday's visit with the licensing social worker.  Cory managed to find a great deal of things that I had missed!  She has a little more experience under her belt with 4 athletic and curious kids!  I am so grateful for her support through all of this.  

Another dear friend to me, Michelle, was over tonight.  Michelle and I have built a unique and honest friendship that is hard to describe.  She is one of those amazing women  you watch grow in their faith and bring you such joy!  Tonight she was able to take my mind off of my current stress and focus on hers!  She is going to Malawi Africa for a year to teach.  We sat on the kitchen counter looking over the details and making lists!  I am so excited for her and cannot wait to hear the details of God's plan for all of this!  Michelle and I have been reading through James together and were hit right away with the first chapter.  It is very applicable to all of the unknowns that are ahead for both of us.  I was reminded of it today as the gale force winds were rushing towards me.

James 1:5-8

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  Those who doubt should not think they will receive anything from the Lord; they are double-minded and unstable in all they do."

I pray daily for our little girl, but find it difficult to communicate the words that are detailed enough to know what to hold on to?  My hope is that God will bring her to us soon and provide us with what we need to give her a life filled with love and a safety.  While we wait, we will wait in faith.  

Oh The Details!

It is indescribably hot for May.  I think I spent half of my grocery budget on cold treats!   Yikes, what does it mean for June?  I am a complete failure when it comes to blogging!  As is evident by the date of my last blog.  I have decided to make this blog a journey through the adoption process.  We are excited about the process so far which I will detail for you.  

Tim and I have decided to adopt a girl through the County of San Bernardino.  In order to complete this process, we have taken 8 classes, we are currently meeting with a placement social worker and hope to be licensed by the end of the month.  Once all of our paperwork is in place, we will be ready to wait for her.  By going through the county, we are able to foster her while the adoption process is completed.  The county will look at a family for the child, not a child for our family, so it is really out of our hands how short or long the process takes.  We are glad that they look at what is best for each child and find ourselves at peace with the entire process.  

By Friday, we should have the majority of our details ready (house licensed, all stuff ready to go).  The boys are so ecstatic about having  a little sister.  They have been hoping for her since before Christmas.  A sister was at the top of Judah's wish list in December and he has been a trooper through all of this.  Both Micaiah and Judah have names all picked out for her which may or may not be used, depending on her age.  Birth order was an important factor for us as a family, so we have chosen birth through 3 years as our preference.  If and when the county chooses us for a girl, a social worker will come to our home and present her to us.  The presentation will include her medical history, behavioral history, history of abuse and so on.  From there, we give it a few days and let the social worker know if she is the right fit for us.  There are so many unknowns and we are genuinely growing in our faith through this maze of details.

Thank you for bearing with the details.  So many have asked when we are getting a child, so I wanted to give enough information so that you could see that the timeline is wide open.  It is so surreal to prepare for this life that we know nothing about.  I am sure that a wave of shock will hit the moment she arrives!  I am frantically trying to stay on task and get the house ready to be licensed.  We have to do some pretty extreme stuff in order for our home to pass.  Our toothpaste and deodorant even have to be out of reach of little ones!  Sorry if that was TMI!   I hope this gives a glimpse into our lives.  I am now going to pass out on my bed so that I can get up and begin another sweltering day in the desert!

Throats and Boats

Well this is my first entry!  I am very excited to start a page of photos of my kids and how they are growing.  As most of you know I am terrible at keeping up with up to date photos, so hopefully this will be a better tool for me!  

Where do I start.  It has been a full week of fun and service.  Tim and I wanted to get the boys involved in something for the community so this weekend we served on the Nehemiah Team.  It is a group of volunteers from our young adult service (which is called 7), brought together to form teams to serve around the high desert.  I was part of the volunteer food organization and distribution.  It was fun to go to all of the work sites and see what God is doing through willing people within our body of believers.  I was excited to have the kids be a part of it and help a little too!  

After all of the excitement wore off, Judah and I found ourselves with scratchy throats and a touch of exhaustion.  Judah told me today, "Mommy, the back of my mouth hurts!"  I asked him where exactly?  He proceeded to take his finger and lodge it into the back of his throat to show me where the pain originated!  I need to think through my literal questions before asking!!!

Micaiah learned about "The Mayflower" today.  I asked him if he new what it was and he told me everything he learned, and I mean everything.  By the time we arrived at our driveway from the walk home, he had reached his favorite detail.  "Mom, guess what, the people on the ship didn't have a bathroom so they had to poop and pee in a bucket!"  That was the part that I believe he will store in his long term memory bank!  The teacher new how to get his attention!  Just say the word POOP!  This is not much different from the Junior High kids that Tim ministers to.  

Although I feel like all we did today was watch t.v. so that I could rest I cannot help but be grateful for the invention that kept my three year olds attention.   I am tired from the day and headed for bed.