So, a month to the day we will find out the future of our daughter Alyssa. Trying to stay afloat would be an understatement for our lives right now. The social worker is going to recommend reunification for the birth mother and Alyssa. It will be up to the judge to decide what is best for her.
We begin overnight visits this week. I cannot begin to explain how that makes me feel, so I won't try. I am praying and praying for protection for Aly and hoping that the time with her birth mother is positive and fruitful. I don't want any ill will for her mother. She is doing exactly what the judge has asked of her. She is fighting for her daughter and for that I admire her strength. My heart and emotions are changing through this process. Although Alyssa is my daughter and loosing her would be the biggest loss of my life, I want her mother to do well. I pray that our love for Alyssa will continue long after she forgets we were even a part of her life. I pray that it will help her to attach with her birth mother and learn to trust all over again. If I say that I am afraid for her, am I doubting God's ability to protect? If I say that I can't see her being loved more than she is loved here, am I incapable of comprehending the power that God's love has for us? So, I trust the one who orchestrates our lives and gave Alyssa to our care. He will watch over her and give her the strength to get through the life that lies ahead.
I am so scared of loosing her but ready for God's plan to unfold. All this waiting and surviving is exhausting.
I will rejoice with those who rejoice and I will mourn with those who mourn, Jesus said. I do believe I am beginning to understand that those two emotions can happen simultaneously and I must believe that the Lord will sustain us. So, pray for Alyssa as these next two months may prove to be challenging and inconsistent for her. Pray for her birth mother. That God would give her strength to carry this through. And please pray as we learn how to talk to our boys about their sister.
We await God's plan. We hold on until then.
5 comments:
Your family is continually in our thoughts and prayers. We love you!
I admire you and you're families strength through this very difficult time. I could not fathom being in such a difficult and rewarding situation. I love you all and will continually keep you in my prayers. I pray for you, Tim's and the boy's hearts will have the strength to endure this time of waiting, and God's undeniable plan for your families and aly's lives. Remember that God is faithful, you all are very loved, and to take one day at a time. God Bless.
Wow Wen...you are an amazing woman. I can't tell you how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this...I can't imagine the pain. I admire your strength and truly hope you have some resolution soon. What a beautiful blog. Please take care.
xoxo...haley
Our hearts and prayers are with your precious family. I am so glad that you are leaning on our God. He loves you all so very much. Your Tennessee family loves you too!
Wendi, thanks so much for being so honest. I just want to hug you guys. I am so excited to see what comes in the future from all this, but I am so am very heartbroken for you guys. Cling to the love that was demonstrated on the Cross. Cling to the love Tim has for you. Cling to the love the boys have for their mommy. And...cling to that love you have experienced with Alyssa. I am praying!!
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